I strongly disagreed with it in the past.
That's in the past. Now that I'm older when I look back, I have to try not to scream in horror at what I see. I reflect about my past actions and realised..... I've changed.
Now People who think they know me keep thinking of me as a joker, laughing at everything, taking everything easy and pretty much a retard.
Yeah. Of course they will, that's what I want them to see.
Unfortunately no one has yet to see my brighter side.
My curiosity that i tried to curb (it'll kill not only the cat you know).
My passion for my school work (which flacuates with my fear).
My constant fear of me being unable to find a job when i graduate (along with the constant fear of dogs).
My constant fear of losing my current job or getting a pay deduction.
I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing. Am i?
I sometimes feel that my friend (or colleagues) may be backstabbing me.
I sometimes feel scared that i may remain single for the rest of my life. That i don't really mind for now. But when my parents leave me, when my brother forms his own family, will i die alone?
I don't dare to step into relationships, don't dare to say yes. What if i have a changed of heart later? Then he'll be hurt. What if he ain't serious about me? What if he is only using me? What if......
So here i am, more mature, yet ain't more happier no matter how i smile and joke. Who will understand? As in truly understand the tireness in me that stems from my fear... Because even I changed. The person i believe that will stay firm in her beliefs, the person i supposedly know best, myself, changed. Who else is there to believe? Who else is there to promise the security of consistency, the unwavering stand, to say to me, "I wouldn't change" which i will believe in. I can't believe in that anymore.
Because even I changed.
The person i believe that will stay firm in her beliefs, the person i supposedly know best, myself, changed.
I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing. Am i?
I sometimes feel that my friend (or colleagues) may be backstabbing me.
I sometimes feel scared that i may remain single for the rest of my life. That i don't really mind for now. But when my parents leave me, when my brother forms his own family, will i die alone?
I don't dare to step into relationships, don't dare to say yes. What if i have a changed of heart later? Then he'll be hurt. What if he ain't serious about me? What if he is only using me? What if......
So here i am, more mature, yet ain't more happier no matter how i smile and joke. Who will understand? As in truly understand the tireness in me that stems from my fear... Because even I changed. The person i believe that will stay firm in her beliefs, the person i supposedly know best, myself, changed. Who else is there to believe? Who else is there to promise the security of consistency, the unwavering stand, to say to me, "I wouldn't change" which i will believe in. I can't believe in that anymore.
Because even I changed.
The person i believe that will stay firm in her beliefs, the person i supposedly know best, myself, changed.
